Current Mood: Bitchy & amazed

Got a lot on my mind the past few days, don’t really know where to start. Guess I will start with the pleasant things first.

Jordan started high school yesterday and surprisingly , he likes it there. I was really glad to hear this. But the past couple of years, the high school had really gotten out of hand with the drugs etc. Last year they even had a police officer assigned inside the school with his own office etc. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to do much good. Well this year, they still have the police officer inside, but they also have a couple of security guards outside. I was glad to hear this because I worry over Jordan once he leaves this house. He is a good kid and I don’t want anything to happen to him. Because if anything ever did, the person responsible had better hope the law gets him before I do.

Now I hear we are in for a hell of a weekend. We have a couple of hurricanes heading our way. It has been posted in our local paper the past few days, on the radio, the internet etc. With all that has been going on in my personal life lately, I really don’t need this shit. And I am damn well sure that no one else wants it either. I hope you all stay safe no matter where you are. I really don’t want to think about all that right now. My mind is so cluttered right now that I don’t know if I am coming or going. I really don’t know how much more I can take.

You all know about my mastitis infection which still hasn’t completely cleared up. Now I have more problems on top of that. Last year, my ear went wacko. It was clogged so bad, I could barely hear out of it. It got so severe that I ended up with a very high fever. It was so bad that I started to get scared. I finally decided to go to the doctor. At that time, I found out I had a severe ear infection. Well I woke up this morning and guess what >>> I could barely hear out of my ear.

I am getting so f*****g sick of all this crap. It’s just one thing after another. Maybe I should just visit our local morgue and get f*****g measured. I feel like screaming until I can’t scream anymore. The really f****d up thing is, my own family don’t even ask how I am. Jordan does show some consideration for me and Terry does all he can. When Jordan sees that I am sick, I think it brings back memories of when his grandmother was sick. That’s why when I feel like shit, I try my best to hide it from him.

Hell, when we were in that bad car accident last year, we were lucky to get out alive. Jordan was on messenger one day and his second oldest brother came on. He didn’t even have the decency to ask Jordan if he was o.k. He didn’t even mention the accident. He talked about video games. For christ sakes. He is 30 years old. Have some sense. Your bro could have been killed and you talk about only yourself and f*****g video games. You know, my kids were brought up to care about others etc. What in the hell makes some of them so damn selfish. If I were that way, they would never have had a damn thing.

Speaking of his second oldest brother. Well we took him in and let him stay here for 4 years. We put up with a lot of shit along the way. He left here about a little over a year ago to go to cali to marry someone he met on the net. I know he did this just to get off the island here. As for the one he married, well I don’t even want to talk about her at this point and time. But anyway, at the time, he tried to stick me with a computer that he still owed over 1400.00 on. I made sure he wasn’t leaving this house until I got the money for it. The computer was on credit in my name. Anyway, at the time, I didn’t realize that it was still over 1400.00 that he owed me for it, and I told him a lesser amount. Trying to get any money for it was like pulling teeth. To make a long story short, a few months ago, I discovered that I shorted myself out about 250.00 which he still owes me. So I emailed both him and her at least 3 times and told them the situation with the pc. Well, they choose to ignore me. That’s the kind of people they are. If he thinks just because he is in Cali that he can get away with everything, he had better think again. He had perfect credit until he decided to quit his job and run down there. Now all I have is collection agencies calling here . Well I am just going to send them in his direction since I do have the address. You know, there is only so much one person can take. When you are good to someone, you expect to get respect, not a slap in the face. Especially from your own flesh and blood.

Well he gave the pc away before he left and I am still paying on the damn thing. There is still a few months before the contract is up. i gave them a chance to make it right and they ignored me. Well I do know where the pc is and I contacted Dell about the situation. If he doesn’t want to pay for the damn thing, Dell can take it back. I really don’t give a shit. I have my own bills to pay for, I don’t need to be paying for someone elses.

You know, some may call this drama. I could care less. It’s not drama, it’s facts. This is the real world here. Things aren’t always easy in this world. Things get very stressful at times. There are times things get real tough around here. Just when you think you are getting ahead with bills etc, more seem to creep up somehow and bite you in the ass. Thank God for my in-laws. There were times that if it weren’t for them, we would have been screwed. But we had no choice. Hell, I couldn’t turn to anyone. At christmas time, we get cards from Terrys entire family. I don’t get a card for any occasion from mine. I will admit, it hurts. A card can be purchased for less than a dollar.

I do have feelings. I am not made of f*****g stone. Some people think they know me. They don’t know me at all. Some have this vision that I am a real bitch because of bullshit they were told at times. It’s real easy to judge someone when you don’t know them. That car accident we were in, really changed my outlook on things. I even tried to make peace with some people I haven’t talked to in forever. I succeeded with some and with others, it was a waste of f*****g time.

I think the best thing that happened this year, was my grandson being born. He is so precious but I only wish I could hold him etc. The only contact I have with him are his pics on the pc. I plan to keep in contact with him as he gets older and I will always send him things. I want him to know that he has another nanny that loves him so much and I will always be here for him as long as I am alive.

On the other topics, I just needed to get all this crap off my mind. It has been settling here with me for a very long time. And keeping it all inside was only giving me a migrane. Take care everyone and no matter who or where you are, if the hurricanes arrive in your area, please stay safe.

Also, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Love you all.