I am so sick of going back and forth to the hospital and the doctor’s office. But I guess I really haven’t had much of a choice. Truth is, I don’t think some people realize how serious it is or how scared I am.

The first thing was when I found out I had high blood pressure. Very high. Higher than it’s ever been. I was sent for more tests, including an ekg because I was complaining of chest pains. My next trip to the doctor,my blood pressure was gone down but it turns out I am anemic. This led to more tests. The good news was, my ekg results were fine.

After the next tests, it was back to the doctor. This trip ended with me being put on a crap load of medication.
Also at this time, I was having a severe constant pain in my right arm which had been lasting for days on end. The pain was so intense, it was waking me up through the night. Of course, this led the doctor to send me for an x-ray. I didn’t get the results of the x-ray back yet.

A few days ago, I get a call from my doctors office, informing me that one of the tests need to be taken again. Oh great ,. Just what i need.
Well now due to some certain situations, I am not sure when or if. I will be able to get over to the hospital to get the test done. Even though my doctor told me it was important that I get it done.

I just don’t know if I am coming or going anymore. I am constantly in pain one way or the other. I am so tired all the time. But when I do go to bed, I can’t fall asleep. At times I feel like I am going crazy. I am damn tired as well of making sacrifices for everyone and everything else. Nothing ever seems to work in my favor. This is not some day at the beach I am talking about. This is my damn health. It’s a very serious matter.

I didn’t ask to be sick. I didn’t ask for any of this. I wish to God I could control it but I can’t. I want to be around for years to come. But at this rate, I am just not sure that will happen. I want to know why I feel the way I do. Why I am tired all the time. Why I keep getting pains in my arm and my chest., The list goes on and on. It scares the hell out of me.

Then on top of all of that, there is all the stress. We have household bills to pay. Who doesn’t ? But I also have personal bills of my own to pay which I also fall behind on because something else always comes up to take the money. It’s just not fair.

For once, I would like to have a great summer. One that I would remember for years to come. It will soon be August and I really haven’t went anywhere yet. Mostly because of these damn health problems. There is one week in August that I had set aside to attend a few events. Well now, because of my sickness, I may not get there. I may not have my tests done by then. Well you know, I don’t really care anymore. I am not sure if I even want to go now. The excitement has worn off. I guess stress will do that to a person. I just don’t care about it anymore. Plain and simple.

I know there are also other things going on around here that has happened many times before. Let’s just say, some people will never learn. But what pisses me off, is when someone constantly lies to my face. If someone wants to pretend they are back in their teenage years, that’s fine. I don’t care what you do, but don’t lie about it like some school kid. I don’t need the aggravation . Just tell the truth,. That’s all I ask. Don’t go sneaking out to meet someone and say you are going to Tim Horton’s. It’s pathetic. Jordan is 16 and he doesn’t even do that. And for the record, this has nothing to do with Terry.

The point of my last statement is, I lived with someone several years ago who was very abusive. He slept with every girl from here to hell. He would tell me he was going to the store, and he wouldn’t come back until the next day. So this brings back those memories. It really doesn’t sit well with me right now. So like I said, I don’t need the aggravation. Well I rambled on enough for tonight. Take care all and lots of hugs.

23rd July, 2008 in Health, Life, stuff